The desperately seeking lover.

I used to desperately seek love. In the worst way. I wanted to be loved in the deepest way, accepted 100%, my flaws and my charms…ALL OF ME…but by someone else. I had an empty bucket for such a long time and I expected someone else would / could / should fill it and then that would also serve as affirmation that I was worthy. Well our hilariously comedic Universe <insert the name of your higher power here> had a different plan for me. Apparently I had to unconditionally love myself first. BORINGGGGG. PURE BS. I damn near went on strike. 

Well I started down this suck-ass-crap path of self-love. I’m on the other side now so it’s obviously not a suck-ass-crap path. LOL. But still…this self-acceptance work was on another level of difficulty for me. As a child I was taught I wasn’t loved or worthy. My parents were sadly taught the same thing by their parents and this probably went back further into many generations. So I was starting from scratch with no positive or healthy examples.

It took me years and I’m still working on it. I read a lot of books, journal a lot and spend time in quiet to really hear my inner voice and get clear on what I need. I also read daily affirmations to retrain my brain to think of myself as whole and complete - that I have all that I need versus feeling that I am forever lacking something. The brain is powerful and I will always be practicing. Now I don’t feel guilty about the decisions I make, I’ve accepted every part of myself and the parts that I’m not sure about or aren’t effective - I’m working on. But I’m not in a rush, I don’t need to be perfect right now, or ever. And I won't be. I can just BE. I will be humble and do my best. And mostly I need to be gentle with myself. We’re all working hard at being human. This shit can’t be easy for anyone. The most I can ask is that if I could be anyone, would I be me? And finally the answer is YASSSSS... I would choose me. Because why not? I don’t want to want to be anyone else. Feel me? I want to like myself, treat myself with respect and know my beauty from the inside out. I want to love myself and adore myself. Isn’t that the whole point? When I am happy and full of love, I treat people with kindness and understanding. And I’m better able to set my boundaries and stay away from the toxic energy blood sucking vampires. BYE FELICIA. When you feel someone’s wicked energy, repeat after me - Devil be gone! Holy water, holy water.

Anywho…I started the whole self-love thing and low and behold an outside love found me. I eloped with my love to a secret hidden forrest. I wasn’t desperately seeking love anymore because I was busy like a cute little honey bee working on loving myself. It’s a life long thing but I’m down with that.

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“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi

“Love is the cure, for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.” -Rumi

"Be Drunk in Love Since Love Is Everything That Exist.” -Rumi

Poetry by mystical poet Rumi. 

Je t'aime mon chéri.

xo,  

Fox Girl Magic is finding her way...slowly... but surely.